Life and hearts are strange things. If you had told me ten years ago that I would one day find myself in a situation even remotely similar to the one I'm facing now. I would have stared at you as if you'd grown a second head.
By the same token I would have believed you even less. If you told me that not only was I going to fall in love with someone I had never laid eyes on in person, but that I would have so much trust in them, even after everything I've been through.(Both in my childhood and adult life.) That if they asked me to give up everything I new and had known the majority of my life to be with them, that I would agree.....but I am and I did.
I realize that when my lover asked me if I would consider it...he meant it only as a hypothetical question but to my surprise after only a seconds hesitation the word yes came out of my mouth...and I really meant it.
Earlier while we were talking, my lover also teased that I must have put a spell on them to make them feel the way they do, but not for the first time, and after today's conversation I wonder if its not the other way around.
Because I can't explain the way I've come to feel about them in such a short amount of time.
Fictional or not..I wonder if this is how Guinevere felt when she fell for Lancelot.A love everyone and everything she had ever known her whole life had taught her she shouldn't let herself feel, but despite it all no amount of telling herself she shouldn't feel this way about him changed the fact. That they both had fallen in love with the other.
I can't logically explain how much I've come to love and trust my friend.(Who is now so much more than just my friend or even my Best friend,) but I do and not only do I trust them with myself but with my daughter to.
And that is an almost terrifying realization for me...because my daughter is my world and I've been hurt so many times in my life. That I don't readily give that kind of trust to anyone, not even my own family...and its scary to let myself feel this way about someone again...but I love him...and I do trust him. I just hope our story is happier one than Sir Launcelot and Queen Guineveres was.
I don't know what the future holds for us but even if the only thing that happens once he gets here is that we talk and hold eachother. I still want to see him and spend time together with him.